Friday, January 25, 2013

Loch Afro American Horrory Story Mixtape blog #9: When who you love doesn't believe in you

   I made my bed and now I lay in it. I live this hip hop shit. I don't work no 9 to 5. I grind for my bread and the grind has collapsed on me. I'm not a spring chicken and the window for me in this music is closing by the second. My life is a blues song. Money fucked up, my girl is done w/ me, and I have to move because I'm not making enough to keep my apartment rt now. Ppl want to know the real Loch, well this is honesty for your ass.

  IDK who's right or wrong but I'm sure many musicians can relate to the war between having a relationship and being a struggling artist. I'm sorry I'm just not a get up and work for anybody person.I work for me. In all honesty I haven't been working hard enough because I have been under pressure from my S/O to get a job and do rap as a hobby.Actually she thinks rap is a hobby for me already. I get her point, but fuck her point.I been rapping all my life w/ varying degrees of success.For me it's admitting defeat to go from doing shows w/ Busta Ryhmes, Bootcamp Click, TI,Banner etc etc etc.(too many to name) to now I gotta report to some punk ass manager named Doug.Man fuck Doug and fuck a job.I need to be selling Cds, doing shows, making plans,writing rhymes,making videos, selling services and etc.There are plenty of ways to get paid w/out a job.

  If your S/O doesn't support what you do it unmotivates you.I got to the point where I felt like if doing something wasn't gonna make me a million dollars it wasn't worth doing. I already got the pressure of being an older MC in a new time and living in Atlanta where they don't even like my whole genre of music, then I gotta come home and hear how I'm a bum and I'm lazy and I don't do shit because I don't work a job.I had way more money than a 9 to 5 worker before late 2009. As a hustler sometimes things will fall apart and hopefully somebody will help you.

  I been with my girl for like 5/6 yrs and was the same nigga I am now when  I met her.She's not the same woman though.She has got a career and went back to school while I struggle in the music field and keep telling her my time is coming. She got tired of waiting.I been tired of waiting, but this is my passion.I'm a free spirit.I won't be couped up in no office or told what to do because I'm a mother fuckin G and that's what it is. I'm also a weed smoking maniac who has social skill issues. That work shit zaps away my spirit.I can't do no job that's not a labor of love.If I can't rap, I  gotta be an actor or comedian.I will not get told what to do by some guy named Doug.Like I said Fuck Doug.Doug ain't done what I done.He has't earned the right to tell a nigga like me what to do.

  Just because times are tough now doesn't mean it will stay that way. Matter of fact I know it won't stay that way because I won't let it.It hurts when ppl you love don't care about what you do and don't believe.I believe that's why a job can suck my dick.Yep I think I'm a fuckin star and I'm not gonna have a fan walk in and see me at the counter checking them out at kroger.I'll live in a box first.I'm a hustler not a worker.If I can't get it myself and I ain't the boss I don't want it at all win or lose.I may be wrong but I feel like your woman should be loyal and ride w/ you no matter what you're doing.If I want to go to Jupiter your ass should get a space suit and say "leggo baby". I expect that because I have made money off this game before, I deal w/ on rappers, I'm ft on popular blogs.I'm dedicated.She thinks because I'm on the CPU it's not work.I been working this net game for yrs.She also says it's not work because I don't get paid for it rt now.The Ent field is work for a large pay off after yrs of free work.That's  the game.

  Bottom line this shit put the fire under me.I have lost everything.My life is really a Horror story but, the show goes on.I got kicked out of my apt and needed somewhere to go to get my shit right and she told me no.Other ppl coming left and right to give me a place to stay but she won't let me stay there because I don't have a job. This move will leave me stuck w/out a way to get money because I will be far out. She lives in an area where I can still function but would rather see me fall than help me.I had to wake up and see she didn't love me. She also thinks I'm too old to rap and makes slick remarks basically saying I won't make it. The sad part is I go hard as I can w/ music to try to get money for us to live a nice life in the future.I told her I couldn't fuck w/ her because she's not down for me 100%. She reminds me of the movie Walk Hard the Dewey Cox story where no matter how much success Dewey got his girl would be saying "You're never gonna make it" after he had a Grammy and was a legend in music already. Do yall think I'm wrong?

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New Loch music "Heaven Knows" 

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